Daniel Grozdich is as unique as his last name. His style of comedy is high energy mixed with deep contemplation crossed with bile and endomorphic skeletons. A fan of gelatinous insects and ionic implosion Daniel enjoys collecting slugs and earthworms. Sometimes they are his only comfort. His musings about the universe, philosophy, a greater human experience, females, bitches and hoes gradually degenerate into a thoughtful orgy of hilarity. He continues to push the extremes of shampoo usage while consorting with mechanical engineers. Danny is a versatile individual who can complicate a picnic, yet simply distill Zarathustra. He is a gentile force of nature, like a luke warm breeze that offsets an areas delicate ecosystem and spawns a microbe which breeds a viral infection into the local drinking water. In short, Mr. Grozdich is a catalyst for the very basic questions that drive humanity, asking non-himself but provoking others to ask them.
I Must think I'm pretty great to write all that about myself.
Even if I'm the only one laughing its still worth doing. Because, in a world of moral ambiguity, laughter, though fleeting, is the only certainty.
....................................................Daniel D. Grozdich...................................................
...................................................poonapple@gmail.com................................................
Objective
To use my special powers get a pay check all the while not really working but looking really busy. As long as looking busy isn't really tiring.
Skills
· I started a fire in my friend's bathroom. (With wet matches)
· I can read. In my own head, not out loud. (Though it helps if I read out loud)
· I found a bag full of clothes at the airport. (I am lucky)
· I graduated from UCLA with four sets of honors.
· Departmental Honors (Wrote a honors thesis)
· Colligate Honors (For taking a bunch of unnecessary for my major, interdepartmental, harder then your average collage class electives)
· Latin Honors (3.5GPA or greater)
· Golden Gate Honors (Same as latin)
· Graduated from law school in May, 2005.
· Have maintained a high maintenance girlfriend for going on three years.
· Never smoked or done any illegal drugs in my life. (Don't drink either)
· Have kept five plants and one dog alive in an apartment with no direct sunlight.
· I can type as fast as you can talk, if you wait for me to get it all down. (Even faster sometimes)
· I bring the Heat with me to everything I do. (Note: sexual harassment insurance premiums may go up if I take the Heat out)
· I like animals and plants. (I'm responsible)
· I have both of my arms and all of my fingers. (I'm not unfortunate looking)
· I am highly motivated, energetic, passionate, dedicated, energetic, team-oriented, energetic, a creative thinker, passionate, dedicated, did I mention energetic. (Did I mention I bring the Heat )
Work History
It puts the lotion in the basket, or it gets the hose.
· Currently, lets just say I'm not getting the hose.
· I was a pirate and pillaged 12 mid-island villages that only had stone weapons and huts built from dung.
· Before that I was a member of an elitist upper class think-tank pondering the true equilibrium between the drudgery of labor and a conspicuous consumption of the leisure class.
· Before that I started fires in a prison yard to burn the excess leaves in the yard.
· Before that I was an unsucceful bank robber.
Education
UCLA
B.A., History
Southwestern University School of Law
J.D.,
